Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Culture Wars
    I was delaying getting up because I went to bed early, in order to avoid following the election. I don’t really want to know who won, but now that I’m up (at 4am), I do know: Donald Trump. And so I feel frightened for America and the world. I lived through Reagun’s election, I was right out of high school a couple years. It was a surprise and a complete downer for my world. We weren’t headed for legalized pot after all. I liked to smoke, I was somewhat of a mini rasta, at the time. I beleived in love and was not materialistic. I wanted to change the world. I’d gone to Seabrook Nuclear Plant in the late 70’s and almost got arrested. We were in a line of people holding hands chanting near the fence and I really wanted to break through the fence. I started to surge forward and as I recall, people followed me, but then I realized my power and kind of chickened out! I didn’t want to be leader of all these people breaking down the fence after all. It was just too sudden for me. Of course someone else could have continued my momentum and I probably would have followed. But no one did and the surge ebbed. Seabrook ended up costing 6.5 billion dollars and its parent company went bankrupt. Nuclear power stations stopped being proposed and built somewhere around that time. But as we speak, 4 new nuclear reactors are being built in the USA, though Germany has abandoned nukes and is committed to alternative energy sources.

Another memory of late 70s is dancing the whole way through Bob Marley’s gig in Philly on his last world tour, at the back of Houston Hall on Penn’s campus. By myself, I figured what the hell, why not have a good time -so I went all the way up back, behind the last row of seats where there was some room to move. It wasn't a big hall and I knew Bob could see me, I could feel it. He was dancing through the whole concert too. And he died of cancer a year or so later. 

Looking back now I can see the cumulative effect of Reaguns legacy. The expansion of the war on the poor, the mass incarceration of black people, the continued exile of jobs overseas with the rise of the super-super rich elite corporate cold-hearted as anointed ones. Enormous tax breaks for the wealthy. The selling off of National Forests to the lumbering companies. I managed to find a group of like minded artist, musician and political people to hang with in my city, but for many, such as my younger brother, the wandering life was the only choice. He died in a jailhouse in Austin Texas in 1996, supposedly of alcohol withdrawal but you never know. The way he liked to talk back to cops, you never know. I dont like cops either, but then again, I pretty much avoid them entirely. Which may be the point. Maybe its time to stop avoiding cops, maybe its time to step forward.

It might nice to avoid it but some moments you have to say theres a war on. A culture war that manifests in political moments of obvious import. “Many more will have to suffer, many more will have to die, dont ask me why. Im just wondering if the right wingers will apologize to me personally when climate change is completely over the top and we see how terrible Trumps legacy on planet Earth really will be. Powerless, thats how I feel now. Not that Clinton would have been much better...



    

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

For Bobby Phillips

From the day that
Bobby Phillips died
to now
through dreams
to bureaucracy to
homecoming the center
humanity and its
foibles going on and
on like that.

Bobby peeled
the onion for me he could
talk a blue streak about angels
and demons and shit and circles
and on and on, but he meant it
and now he’s gone one layer
at a time in his blue
body bag and two
workers one black one white
hoisting him up and sliding
him in the coroner’s
truck parked out front
the motor running
like an blue elephant 
in ribbons and balloons
take me home
if you can
the time drags
so.

A shield a missile
a dance a portal
coming home with you
and you and you
no one knows who
exactly it costs too
much but for the kiss
leaving it all behind
lies and truth and
dreams of holding on.
Instead gone through
I’m holding Bobby now
and Cheryl, Aiden, and Ems
and Shameeka who
wrote the very first
poem I ever heard.
New all new
twenty dollars new
it doesn’t matter
what I do too
I know now what to do.

Speak no more of it
til sleep.
And dream
dream big
bigger balloons
to pop one by one
so beautiful a brook
a look a crook
a crooked look
a downward spiral
the homeless guy with
a little ruck sack
he gave me
a blue tarp.
Eileen Myles
taught me how
you just go
down one
line
at
beautiful time
and stop.

I put the tarp behind
a very large propane tank
near the “LIsten" thrift
store 1/2 way up
the long hill from White
River Junction where I'd
jumped off the train
with only like 35$.
I bought a couple sandwiches
at the food coop 1/4 mile
down hill from “Listen” thrift
which the guy with the tarp
and one of those california
beach colored hoodies
said had a feed the homeless
dinner spot somewhere
back down the hill
turn left
at the bridge
or was
it cross
the bridge and then
turn left?
My legs are tired
from going in and out
of the bushes and up
and down the mile long hill 
but my Mom’s coming
to pick me up,
120$ but
I could go anywhere.
(Like Wicker Man
I’m finally free.)
I could do anything.

The two caned old lady
dressed all in red and
a young woman who
went the other way.
I walked with the red
carefully and hopped across
a puddle then heard
all the machinary:
“I’ve been working on
the railroad
all the live long day…"
and put a hand on
working man big burly
cut off tee who
didn’t seem to mind
“I need to talk to who evers
in charge?!” I said
and got pointed casually
down the rails further 
more loud track work.

The machine was reaching
down and pulling the tie
out with a slither
big black tie and gravel
scattering then track
lifted up and a brand new
tarred up tie slipped in
like it was nothing.
The next machine down
I yelled friendly to the guy
working (it was so loud)
“I just like to watch
the machinary” and he
pointed back to the tie
slipper-in machine and yelled
"be careful with that one"
and in my floating state
I realized I had been and
I told him so then asked
what his machine did
(banging and shifting as it was)
and he said it swept off
the gravel before the other
one came along so
then I proceeded further
(candid camera man
was there, shooting a light pole).
And two more machines.
Before returning flipping
my water bottle in the sun.

My brother Bobby 
was a working man
metal forge sculpture man
always getting bits of slag
in his eyes
went to the Shey Eye Institute
so many times
all the docs knew his name
down there.

Sing Sing
Amazing Amazing
Horror the Horror
so “stop" as Bob (Buchanon)
would say
“take a breath"
its worth it
a jingle a jangle
a pocket full of sparkle.
Let the people know
that its a dream go
even the machines are run
on gas on light on tight
budgets with purse strings
to power 
gently pull
the strings 
to see the power
glisten and gleam.






Wednesday, September 14, 2016

SINCERITY IS A MUSCLE, A DISCOURSE
     When truth is combined with love, in order to generate sincerity, sincerity has capabilities.. Both love and truth would like to make changes in the world on their own, but in their raw states are so powerful as to be blinding, or to be choking, or nauseating, -or whatever…! Not to mention that their pure states are not acheivable, so the invoking of either of them is problematic.
     But when truth and love are presented together to the other person upon a continuum and a person can either present more love (listening, nurturance, support, affection) or more truth (facts, arguments of logic, testaments of experience from the self) then the other finds ways of becoming engaged. Their sincerity becomes engaged. More truth at one moment as the love is activated in the other, then more love presented to recieve the other’s truth.

Equal amounts of Truth and Love:

Truth ————————x———————- Love

More truth: this can sometimes come off as harsh, cold, unsympathetic, or perhaps it will come off as informing, enlightening, empowering to the listener.

Truth ———x————————————- Love

More love: this can be taken sometimes as condescending, paternalistic or maternalistic, choking, or nauseating or conversly it might serve to validate the other person, to activate them to present their truth to the one who loves, or to present more love to the relationship. Love can multiply love, as we know.

Truth —————————————x——- Love

So sincerity is the ability to show others that your continuum is accessible, that you can present either more truth or more love, depending on the needs or desires of the other. When people judge that you are sincere it means that they have access to your truth, and access to your love.

     For people who are committed to opposing your end goals, there are always weapons to destroy your sincerity:  For instance, whatever you have said might be not truthful enough, it might not have encapsulated enough of the real situation and thus be deficiant, it might not have been stated in a clear enough way, etc. There are always ways to criticize the use of truth in an argument. And similarly for love, as any mother and father will tell you, there is at times not enough love for the child, its not the right kind of love, it stopped too soon, -or perhaps its become suffocating. Every parent can find bonding with other parents in complaining about their children complaining about them.
     So this is why we need sincerity and naturally attempt to create this in three dimensions: truth and love on a continuum within the never ceasing forward motion of time. Sincerity is the muscle that enacts truth and love to deal with the reality that the muscle known as the mind has created. Could we say that we have two muscles, both necessary, the creator of contradictions (the mind) and the untangler of contradictions, the reweaver of a reality that has depth and resilience (sincerity). Indeed, is sincerity the environment within which hope is held?






Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Notes for Study

what is study and knowing in community?
where is sex?
what is precarity?
and what is intimate committed relationship?

     Part of my approach agrees w Lacan in that the Real world is difficult and near impossible to maintain direct connection with. There is a scattered and confusing relation. Such that our everyday social reality is the most difficult place to actually comprehend and integrate into our rythems of life. We are farthest from everyday life, we live in an abstract realm, constructions of emotion and ideas like ivory towers far above and with regulated flows of information about and energy with/to this “world”. This is contrary to what life appears to be, to what we are told that it is, and quite alarming! OMG we have to be responsible for this interaction that appears to be everywhere and all the time?!? What do any of my actions and intentions mean where community is defined by its lack of an outside boundary? Could cities be constructions created to answer this conundrum? Loneliness meets The Ages. Theres a moment in the movie The Hunger when David Bowie contemplates the idea of living forever as a vampire, and he appears to be quite tired of it.
     So if everyday life is where the rubber meets the road, then face to face (f2f) discourse for me is the goal and pinnacle of study and the key to the future. However it seems also to be one of the hardest places to get to, an oasis of interaction. Could f2f be more of a longer term goal, a heaven we may get to someday, with much hard work of preparation and letting go? Gospel choirs singing “Better get ready, better get ready...“
     Because when we are face to face, in everyday life, theres so much to say, theres a feeling of lostness in finding where to start to get to the main points. “How are you?” seems like a good place to start, and as well a fine place to get back to along the way - with a grounding sort of feeling occuring. But other problems with f2f are for instance 1) the fact that we can’t all speak at once; 2) everything someone says raises topics that can go off into a splintered set of directions; and 3) we don’t really have time for it, do we after all? At least not when we are “on the clock”, and feeling the pressure of production.
     I’m interested in the idea of elders in community, which after all could be people of any age. Its more the idea of f2f production over the extent of time, and the embracing of understanding about what time has to do with everyday life. Everyday life obviously has an extension into many generations of us, here in community. Time collapses as we strive to understand where we are and how to get down from the ivory tower. Perhaps that would be the first question I would ask, to start the whole f2f ball rolling. Collapsing time?
     One of my favorite places I lived at was called Killtime, as in the Killtime Warehouse. it was back in the ghost town days of the late 80’s, early 90’s when almost NOTHING was going on in Philly, it seemed. There were like 2 clubs where indie rock lived, I think a couple of early artist coops were starting then: Vox Populi being one of them, still in existence today. The name Killtime was created because of the idea of just finding something worthwhile to do: we’d put on shows with local or out of town bands, hold art openings, do performance art, concept art pieces, etc. It was a blast, altogether, and many friends of mine remember those days. But the name Killtime led to noticing a simple maxim of life: that when people are having a good time, time goes faster and yet has more meaning. But when time is going slowly, things are boring and your environs start to seem like a prison. So when people are not having any fun, time goes slowly and lasts FOREVER. There is a direct connection between joy, meaningful interaction with the world and time.

Monday, September 5, 2016

     What is madness? So-called madness? We all live here, we’re all connected. I think we can feel it within the soul of humanity - whatever it is. We can feel the experiences of others in their words and ways. But, like a photograph, often we think that there is a frame around people, perhaps the frame stops at their body, or perhaps at their words, or perhaps at the meaning of their words. We look through the frame and accept what comes through it as a single message from the person. So we believe the meanings or we don’t believe the meanings, - we might judge their character and use that appraisal to decide wether they are presenting the truth to us. But I would say that within the inflections and body language of the person, as we know from recent science, there are messages and meanings. So in some way of thinking, everything a person says has truth in it. Even if they are telling an outright lie, they are sincerely saying it, for some purpose or other. It has meaning for them, at least, even if we can’t tell. Thus, it becomes hard to say actually what is true or false, and in a sense, wether there is such a thing as truth anyways. Or perhaps more accurately, wether “truth” is the most important thing that we are after. Perhaps we are after a meeting together of whole persons and more, the untold and misunderstood part of persons as well as the understood parts of persons. Many parts, and many mysteries...
     In this way a person, when talking, might have an understanding that they are not always being understood. They strive to find out what they want to say, while speaking. They might have an understanding that when talking to others they are also talking to theirself. So being with and talking to others is a process that is good for the individual, there is a commitment to follow through that happens, just by the simple act of conversation, story telling, or philosophizing. We might be forever apart from others but we are also talking to both the other and to ourselves. We are the talker and the listener. We become, in part, the conversation, listening to both of us. No wonder the frustration and the sense of sheer weight, (pushing pushing), when there is someone who goes on and on - full of themselves! Don’t they know the conversation can’t wait for all that good garbage? Get to the point already! There has been some entity created that has a pace and a mind and that entity would like the drifting talker to wrap it up because conversations can’t proceed on partial statements. End it already! We have a commitment to sense making going on here! Or humuor making, or horror making, or tradgedy, fear making, - meaning making. Or perhaps change making. We are talking to ourselves and to our self in the community and from the community as well. So many faces going on, its overwhelming at times. The spinning sensation.
     I, myself, haven’t encountered madness as being an actual ‘thing’. I’ve encountered many unsaid things, many misunderstood things, much emotion, and much lack of emotion where it seems perhaps there should be feelings. Or perhaps this way of looking at things is ‘madness’ in itself?
     I’ve met hospitalized people, who are mute, and wondered how they got that way and what they might like to say. I’ve been with shrieking people, screaming at the top of their lungs. I know also that there are serial killers out there who stalk and invisibly dissappear others. As well this humanity has used tools of destruction that dissappeared 129 thousand people: men, women and children at Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Japan, the Earth, in two moments of soul chilling, bone melting beyond words horror. Little Boy and Fat Man, August 6th and August 9th, 1945. So, in some sense, insanity seems relative, to say the least. I would agree there is stuckness, at the individual level as well as at the societal level.
     The book “Alice in Wonderland” has been striking me pretty dramatically in recent months. None of Alice’s experiences make much sense to Alice. And quite a bit happens. She wants in a determined way, and yet gets easily distracted. What does she want in the end? How would it be possible to want anything in particular, in such a world: the Red Queen shouting “Off with their heads!” at odd moments. Indeed, the initial motivation for Alice was that her sister’s book was insistantly boring: ‘“and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice, “without pictures or conversations?” She is stuck in ‘the desert of the real’, as i like to call it, and yet has enough security around her to allow her fantasy to unreel. Her imagination sees a white rabbit in a waistcoat run close by her and then say “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!” and then take a look at his pocket watch. Upon realizing that something extroidinaire is going on, she leaps up and follows the rabbit, and sees it “pop down a large rabbit hole under the hedge."
     Now a hedge symbolizes the fact that this is a field, on agricultural land, domesticated, and not a forest. It is a tended place, and she is following what seems untended within that spot, or perhaps what tends to its own interests. For being late is a very important thing to the white rabbit. And thus Alice enters some kind of dream-time. She follows the talking and tardy animal down a hole into the ground.
     Later she comes upon a house, with a Frog-Footman outside of it:

     "Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
     ‘There’s no sort of use in knocking,’ said the Footman, ‘and that for two reasons. First, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no could possibly hear you.’ And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within—a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
     ‘Please, then,’ said Alice, ‘how am I to get in?'
     ‘There might be some sense in your knocking,’ the Footman went on, without attending to her, ‘if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.’ He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. ‘But perhaps he can’t help it,’ she said to herself; ‘his eyes are so very nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might answer questions— How am I to get in?’ she repeated, aloud."

     And thus we all go when we’d like to investigate madness. Which side of the door are we?And would we really like to go in?
     The question for me becomes not where is madness in the individual, but why does it seem to manifest in the individual and where is it in the community? Or is it located somewhere between the individual and the community, in the language and ways of relating?

And how does the ‘real’ Alice fare? Alice at age 20:

Friday, September 2, 2016

     Poems

She thought telling me once
was enough. I love you is
a hard thing to say but the law
requires it. Penalties can be
severe, if anyone cares.
We’ll take a poll and find out!
But hello is hard too, when I've
slept badly, wrestling with babies
who are dextrous and devilish.
They must have come right out of
church, those pious bastards.
Way too cynical for me, and yet
dedicated. So, if she ever
tells me she loves me again,
then I’ll believe her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Twisting straight enough to
throw a baseball into your mitt.
Made of leather, made of grit and
softened with sweat over the years.
You must try it! To know, you
have to try it yourself,
stand up there and twist.
Chubby Checker was a pop star
rivaling Beethoven for a NY minute.
But Beethoven
plays catcher,
calls the shots,
dreams big.
You pitch one
at a time.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Submit to the barber
look good when you go in there
or they won’t give you a good one.
You can’t be serious
you’re coming from hell
on a pogostick
down a yellow brick road
looking for red shoes.
     Nullified by uglies.
          The worker knows all
     but can’t find the right words.
Homeless now orange road
red hot coals
ashes in her heart
my heart
without words.
You’re heart-less
without words.
I like it shaggy
I say sheepishly.
Cut cut snip snip sweep sweep
pay pay ...
     He drifts and bumps into
large objects, walks silently


out into the street.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Insert name here...

Looks me in the eyes and says
he wants to quit.
knows he’ll drink again
as soon as he gets out,
and as soon as he’s out
of range of me.
will i take him in to detox?
hasn’t eaten in four days,
grey as dusk, right before night.
sitting naked on the mattress,
its grey and greasy too,
no sheets, a blanket
pulled over his crotch,
a pile of steel reserve cans
next to the bed,
on both sides,
must be 400 cans
variously crumpled,
a mountain, an avalanche.

Is it the missionary in me,
standing there? it might be 
different this time. Usually
i sit but theres cans
on the chair, and
a fan. Will
i take him in today,
maybe i could make an iPhone movie?
he could be his own hero.
I can’t think of anything else,
would that help?
i’ll ask.
all i can see is this swamp
of life. and swimming
or walking
or talking
blur together.
eating, drinking, what?

in the face of it.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

other ways of being in community


how about a catalogue of other ways of being in community, partially hidden ways. like ways that pass through you temporarily, and aren’t crisis really, but are some other kind of relationship to the world that is a little out of this world.
ghost like is when you’re not really connecting with others and you’re recceeding from community. 3 times is a charm, like in baseball. you see someone you’ve had affection for (in whatever way) and yet you don’t go over to them and make that reconnection. you let it pass. after the third time, like Jesus said to Peter (or whomever?) its too late and now theres this incomprehensible distance between you two. maybe you’ll be able to make up for it later but some part of yourself and their self has let go of the energy passing through and you’re a bit like strangers. you’re a ghost, and they're a ghost to you.
of course they don’t want to be a ghost, so really they might lash out at you, to others, diss you. or even just talk about you in a different voice, with a different kind of respect and comittment. anyway, it speaks to the requirement we have to the “community” and our relationship to that requirement. paranoia is a worry about work i should be doing.
some people of course, relish the ghostness, pass through community unknown - for really, how much can we really know each other. we’re not going to go asking everyone for details about our upbringing at the drop of a hat, - happy childhood, cruel father, first love, what was your middle school like?
and indeed, as we get older, do we accept the ghost station, because well - we’ve been through so many phases that we’re losing track. they run together. there’ve been successes and failures. the “community”  itself has changed over like 14 times, its a roiling surface of boiling water getting ready for another pot of Brexit black tea. (Britian will get back in with Europe, they have two more chances to get it right, or do they really want to be ghost english? come to think of it it is rather gloomy on those endless moors.)
so a community, in the city life, is a scene of ghosts struggling to obtain some kind of substance, some kind of temporary, but endlessly deep flesh of bodiness. Perhaps made more real by actual human touch, hugs, a hand on the arm, or conversely a song sung together, or just the music of conversation that rings out in rythm.
like when a bird was singing at me through the window yesterday morning while i was washing dishes. so intent, its throat bulging in and out, tweeter eet awheeeta otto itta itta itta itta eeeetttt! It went on for like 10 minutes, looking at me, craning its head one way and then the other and i tried to whistle back but actually could’t really keep up. Made my day, though, sweet thing.
next episode, vampires redeemed.


Sunday, June 26, 2016

How to Go Outside Your House


leaving means no

otherwise known as

Going Outside is Like Taking A Breath

going outside of your house means reassuring yourself that you can say no to someone, to anyone. you can maintain the soveriegnty of your body, your “three foot space” as I used to explain it to my kids: “Everybody has a right to their 3’ space."

but what that means is "NO!!!"

being able to feel in the heart of your soul that you can say NO!!!! anytime you want to. That you have a process for deciding, for being involved and processing and learning while experiencing in the outside world.

Nancy Reagun ruined that word for me back in the early 80’s. Masquerading as an innocent grandmother, though conservative, whose words we could just brush off in squalid imatation of Ronald’s teflon coat, she said “Just Say No!” and so of course we said Yes to anything we wanted to say yes to. For me: Anarchism (and I’m still wholehearted about that) and art, and music and work (DIY), and swearing whenever I wanted to swear, and occasional (but not too often) lost midnight affairs.

however, in this double switch back, the evil witch Nancy Reagun performed, like a secret assassin's knife to the heart of public discourse, “Just Say No!” and ruined it forever for many a soul. John Ehrlichman recently acknowledged that Nixon enacted the War on Drugs as a direct assault against the hippies and the blacks, and a growing rottten spot was created within the apple of democracy that ‘America’ is supposed to be. Now we see it flailing as the European Union falls apart, the Enlightenment project is sinking and Kontrol/Kaos is winning over poor Max Smart. His shoe is ringing and no one is answering.

overdoses are at an all-time high. Nancy was wrong.

and i’m saying ‘harm reduction’ philosophy is the way to go. Check it out. Look it up on Wikipedia.

harm reduction means to allow freedom of choice for the addicted but try to help them in any way you can help them. as they get stronger they may be able to make better choices for their selves. Harm Reduction does not use abstinence as a weapon.

and for your own bad self, just say no to whatever you need to say no to.

i’ve noticed that when I'm in a place which is not my home, the breath is interesting. In order for me to find myself in the order of speaking, I line up my breath with other people's. And there are only certain thoughts that occur to me within the rhythm of the breathing. Certain kinds of thoughts pop in when I am in-breathing and certain kinds of thoughts pop out when I am out-breathing. This is the nature of dialectalism, and also why certain people (lol) get into irretrievable arguements, the rhythm drags them along, and a spiral occurs. A maelstrom occurs (one of the coolest readings in Poe, btw), and your breath has become a response to the essence (you think) of their out breath. And their response to you is this same fire fighting fire, dragons alive! kind of engagement. The rules of engagement themselves have caught fire! AAAAhhh Fire!!

So perhaps this is what is meant by people when they say “I can’t breathe!” Or chant it. Or put it on signs at demonstrations. Perhaps they are meaning they don’t want the in-breath because it contains rules of engagement of which they are not interested in being a part. Then there is no breath available!!

Even to discuss this is to walk on a razor’s edge of pain in the working life. Or should I risk it all, and say: to talk about this is to feel a trigger's pull against my finger?

Take another breath, Wattles!

In that photo of Abraham Lincoln, I wonder at which part of his breath was he located? Or did a person have to hold their breath when getting photographed in 1865 due to slow exposures?

i'm thinking that being able to say "No" to the world occurs before I am able to say "Yes". Isn't this a phase that toddlers go through?

Saturday, June 18, 2016

big enough to swim in

self in reverse

self made in Amerikkka

whispering, i'm down to . . . 

sick woman theory and de-persons theory

http://gutsmagazine.ca/issue-six/in

bad poetry . . . is it better than non-poetry
     hard to tell if good or
     bad, in poetry all the
     lines are blurred,
     could be one good line,
     makes me want to make
     it longer, full context,
     compare it to language
     soup, big enough for 
     sharks in there,
     big enough to swim in . . . 
     big enough to drown

is there air in poetry -

     or above it?!

looking for flatness or in it..

in it!

Poetry Gone Wild

Poetry Gone Wild
        you swoop through facebook on a hawk’s wing
     i beg for words from the wise
i want to put it in the back door
     so you’ll know when you’re done on facebook
that it’s personal it’s a take it’s a given

          it’ll never ever be the same not tall enough
     not long enough not dreamy enough not on time
so I said it’s personal and you’re big
     enough now it wants a taste of that french fry
in a dream late last night over at McDonalds

          don’t make it personal don’t cry big boys
     are the long slender words of poetry gone
wild through facebook and twitter - three
     gmail accounts and its still not enough
to disappear into the flesh of it

          i wanted to know compared to what
     and so reading alice in wonderland
i wanted to be both larger and smaller
     to be her no sex necessary
by becoming that which has power and not

          how can i put it in words when the size
     keeps changing and only skins remain the same
and indeed! we’re animals all after all and
     unless we’re queens and kings or
pawns and rooks “off with their heads!"

     rings through all time so loudly

Saturday, May 28, 2016

The Thingy

No time for my life.

As we get older we run into the overdose of requirements of past connections. These expand as we move, as we stretch and walk, like that chemical reaction thingy that expands as it touches water, exponentially. the more real life it is exposed to, the more the thingy expands until there is no room for my own life. i can’t breathe. you can’t breathe, and most of all, the cops don't even have breath. robots! so they choke the life out of me, out of you. and while i’m waiting for this to happen, minding my own business, i can’t breathe because of the cigarettes i smoked that ruined my lungs. it tastes like fire deep down in there. or at least some completely other language.

Which is fine. if i could learn the language i’m sure i'd be fine. so i set out on a series of visits to learn the new language. but the very first visit was to a snake, who lived across the street. hiss, hiss, hiss he said as a fine greeting. and that made no sense to me at all. have a fine day i said as I proceeded down the street.

The next visit was to a tree, who said nothing at all, but had a very fine posture. i could feel the sap rising in the springtime air. the buds were pushing and the morning sky was crystal blue. 

My third visit was not a visit at all, as some young men were sitting on their stoop and as i didn’t know them, i nodded politely and moved on. there was a politeness that pervaded and a curiousity as we both proceeded into the depths of our days.


However, once i turned the corner i heard from afar, as if in an echo between the canyon of the houses what sounded like “kleptomaniac!" someone was calling me kleptomaniac! klepto, klepto, klepto! it was like a chant, a rude awakening, a bird chirpping and yapping in the morning, so early the other birds haven’t started the concerto yet. so naturally, the only new words I could learn were KLEPTO and maniac. As I went on my visits then, i went maniaclly and tried to keep the klepto to a minimum. there’s cops breathing around here somewhere, i just know it.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Spinning Round

     I don’t want to write today because I’d have to write about loving so and so and how I’m so pround of them, they might be really flying out of the nest on their own this time.
     And I’d also have to write about what happens when you spin round and there are strange magnets in your heart and they get buzzes when you are facing certain people, places or things, such that the spinning produces a rainbow of sensations that conspire to keep you spinning, much like a motor. A great humming sound emanates, if you only tune your heart’s ears to the frequency. Lonliness is a cry of need, want, and desire as Jacques Lacan so gratuitously explained, and the differences therein create a vibration. Want pulls, desire envelopes and need (or demand as my cat so often portrays) grabs. The resulting vacuum in each situation conjures forth certain notes that stand next to each other and through harmony and dissonance create a tune. That tune at higher speeds sounds like a humming noise.
     We certainly would love to hear and comprehend that tune, given half a chance, and would love to dance and move in time to it, but usually we would rather not slow down the spinning enough to distinguish the melody. Mortal fear of paralysis (peril) grips us, often enough, when occasional moments of reflection and deep silence afford us the chance to slow it down. Mini riffs from the great concert appear in our heart’s mind’s ears and we gasp audibly at the sheer poignancy of the vibratory relevance, to who we are and to the makeup of our bodies internal momentums and trajectories. For after all, our legs are propelled by their leggy needs, our fingers itch with want to feel the joyous sensations that they did feel at past moments of glorious crafty creation, our sex desires to revel in past dances with goddesses and gods, princes and princesses, kings and queens and scoundrel theives and prostitutes, murderers and assasins, - and equally, our minds playfully need (for yet another example) desperately x, y, and z such as they have grown up to believe -and desire a, b, and c such as they have built an image of which through our years of adventures on solid earth.
     In this way, that great humming sound that emanates mystically behind the veil of all the other noises and silences of so called reality, is both fearful to us and tantalyzingly close. Perhaps that’s what awakens me at 5 am sometimes, and I long to toss and turn a little longer and hover myself in an airship, as I visualize it now, a little closer to the motor spinning. And as the motor spins, grasp in my heart’s eye's mind’s ears just a phrase or two this morning, and a riff and slide and whistle or two tomorrow morning.



Dedicated to the people of Attawapiskat, in Canada, who have been experiencing a suicide epidemic. The town is about 900 miles from the arctic circle.*

I’ve been writing since I can remember anything worth remembering, which doesn’t always seem to amount to many memories, as the present presses to such a degree. All my memories flash, and surge back and forth as I am judging myself, am observing, am trying to find a coherence. Because without coherence comes… dissolution.

They used to use the word dissolution as a word for a manner of death. I’d like to bring that back into usage. And what happens on the way to dissolution? The various pieces of “myself” battle back and forth and precious little action takes place with sincerity. The path to substance seems to be arduous and long-winded. And whence are the memories that might save me from myself? Aha, a contridiction, upon which we might thrive!

Dissolution, I could propose, is Capitalism's baby, a Frankenstein we inexoribly morph into, as we come to disbelieve in general and become, in specific, morphing itself. The more I watch television that is not made by my own hands, I become what I see, inside, where no one can see it but myself, - as long as I’m not sharing it. Shame = not sharing, as the socialists say, but as an anarchist, the proto-socialist, there is a view upon such morphing. Mary Shelley, whose father was a proto-anarchist and mother was a proto-feminist (and whose impact on European society must by defintion be unfathomable) wrote the prescient story Frankenstein during the summer of 1816, "the year without a summer" (also perhaps a prescient climate moment) and during a time when electricity was being “discovered” and considered the galvanizer of life at some level or other. *

And thus, like touching two wires together to poles emerging from the head, Mary Shelley named the future: dissolution with legs. Frankenstein. Who ends up in snowy climes, rejected by humanity. Just not getting it. We have our own machines that echo our fingers now, laptops. The more I type the further I go. Am I attached, making a fetish, a voodoo doll, looking to be galvanized? Some have morphed to iPhones with their FBI ears and the sucking sounds of any kind of ring you please, but me, I’d like to keep my distance. Perhaps in vain, however, and thus this blog.

Dismiss me you must, if it pleases you. I beg of you, don’t enter unless… unless… unless… you wish to meet me at the void, amongst the chasms of chilling artic ices and the blazing of a merciless sun above, that won’t set at the horizon until summer’s end. Melting, melting, melting your heart from the steadfast grip of a disbelieving mind.

As for the Wretch, he disappeared on an ice raft into the Arctic, who will follow him into the northern wilds?

"In the case of Attawapiskat, the debate's tone is one of cruel irony, given that the land is home to a diamond mine. 'These people in Attawapiskat are watching the resources of their community, of their territory, of their traditional land, being taken away by corporations,' said Boyden. 'They watch this happen as they live in third-world conditions.'"


** The story itself, incidently, is considered by some to be the very first true “science fiction” story and as well an early modern “horror” story which spawned (yes!) multitudes of glorious sci-fi, monster and horror stories, which contribute to the ecology of todays domineering symbology.